Thoughts

Dear Readers, 

The hardest part of my Graveyard Shift schedule is my days off. I'm up by midnight or 1 am. Normal people aren't awake then. I have no one to share thoughts with. Even when I'm at work, I don't really have anyone to talk to. I have to sit silently in my sleep deprived comedy  hilarity. 

Rather than save up these thoughts in order to text them to friends at a more normal time (7 am is normal, right?) I have decided to collect them here for the next week. 

You're welcome in advance. 

Saturday, April 12th. Approx 6AM.

I worked today. And as I was reaching into the very back of a shelf I was reminded of this particular scene from Flash Gordon:

For a split second a real a paralyzing fear washed over me as I prepared to be stung by that freaky slug/scorpion hybrid. When nothing happened (obviously, because those things don't live in stores, they live in the woods. Keep up.) I was instantly relieved. And then realized, in the kingdom of Arboria I would be recognized as a man. My journey to adulthood is complete. 

Monday, April 14th. 1 AM.

I am insanely amused that the chocolate and feminine hygiene products consistently come in on the same pallet. 

Tuesday, April 15th. 4 AM.

No, I do not have the time to invest in watching a full length movie. That would be ridiculous. Do you understand that a whole movie takes up at least an hour and a half of my time? I have much better things I could be doing than enjoying a well crafted piece of film.

Now please excuse me while I marathon Bob's Burgers. 

Wednesday, April 16th. 7 AM. 

While doing returns today, I noticed a lot of similar items. It was if someone had done all of their shopping and then just decided, "Nah, forget it. I'm tired of shopping. I think I'll just leave."

Thursday, April 17th. Time Unknown.

Netflix. A Haiku.

Do not stop playing.
Why must you judge me so?
I am still watching.

Thank you.

Friday, April 18th. Early. 

Saturday, April 19th. 3:45 AM.

This girl walked in front of my car on my way to work today. First of all, who in their right mind is out walking around at 3:30 am? Don't you people need sleep? Seriously. Second, she was trying to communicate:

via Finding Nemo

Anyway, when she was in front of my car she said something, her lips moved, and she did a stroke-y beard hand movement. Now, this girl did not have a beard, and as far as I know neither do I. I have no idea what she was trying to say. If any of you know this secret code, please fill me in. 

Still Saturday, 4:30 PM.

My roommate and I took it upon ourselves to learn about Portland's Shanghi Tunnels. Even more exciting I learned about Joseph Kelly, one of the best Crimpers of his time. Among his achievements, he managed to sell 14 dead men to a ships captain for 50 dollars each. Amazing. That's not a funny story, but it's true and amazing. Take the time to learn more:  Joseph Kelly

That's what I have for you this week, a collection of strange thoughts that I have when no one is around. You are all more informed on my life. 

You're welcome.