Dear Readers,
Living in a city that has a wonderful public transport system is a blessing. You can get almost everywhere you need by hopping on a bus, or street car, or train. Along with that, you get to see some very interesting characters, and if you are a fan of people watching it is about the most fun you can have for $2.50.
Now, generally, I attempt to avoid conversation with people who are also using the public transport system. Not because they, for the most part, exude unapproachableness, but because I don't generally strike up conversations with strangers that I will only be seeing for five minutes or so. In an attempt to forgo conversation, I usually listen to music, or at least put headphones in so it looks like I'm listening to music, even if that is not the case. I wish I could count the number of times I have had my headphones hooked up to a music player whose battery had gone dead. It's been more than once.
Every now and again, though, I'll not wear them and fully enjoy the atmosphere. Often times, there are things that are funny and if you're lucky you can share a knowing smile with a stranger. It is moments like those that make not listening to music worth it. Because even if you are "listening to music" you cannot laugh at someone's joke, then people will know you are just being rude.
Other times, it is worth the pretending to listen to music, when someone starts to get loud and cause trouble. During those situations it is easy to look out the window, convincing the other passengers that you are not part, nor wish to be part, of whatever is going on.
I generally believe that this anxiety with not conversing with strangers is a hold over from childhood. The idea that people you don't know are inherently dangerous (unless it's a police officer, fire man, or someone in an official looking uniform) is a major part of growing up, and rightly so.
Do not mistake me, Readers, I would never say that the "Stranger Danger" program is a bad one, I fully support it. I, however, somehow missed the memo that said, "After you become an adult, it's actually okay to talk to and interact with strangers, as long as you are not being stupid about it." I realize this, and have actually been working on it.
My greatest success was about a year ago. I was riding the train and took a seat next to a nice old woman. As I did every morning, I took my book out, preparing to read. Instead, I was treated to the abridged story of the woman's life. Sadly, at this point I would not be able to give you a single detail. All I remember was that she was on her way to the airport, she was flying out to visit one of her sons. She was very sweet, and I remember as I was leaving the train I meekly wished her a safe flight. I didn't have to do anything for that interaction to be be wonderful. All she wanted was to talk to someone about her adult children. Listening is so easy.
Since then I have made an effort to be more aware of my surroundings while on public transport. It's no effort to remove a head phone to talk to someone. Which leads to my most recent experience.
Last week I was on the train again. At the stop I was waiting at there were two other people. One older gentleman who seemed to be in a hurry, and a younger gentleman, who looked like he wasn't quite sure about this stop. He was dressed nicely in what I would call casual business attire, but he looked more than uncomfortable in it. Obviously, he was on his way to somewhere, but he was worried about what was about to happen, that didn't stop him from wanting to look his best.
It took no effort from me at all to remove my headphones when he started talking. Did I know the time? Was I familiar with this train line? Two simple answers, and he looked slightly more at ease. I went back to my music and my book. A few minutes later, I realized that he was still nervous, and so I thought of something to talk about, and once again removed my music. I asked him where exactly he was going, because one stop may be slightly closer to where he wanted to be. He assured me that his destination was kitty corner (Readers: This is the third time in my life I have every heard this phrase. Is the whole world aware of it and I somehow missed out? It's becoming one of my favorites.) to the stop I'd mentioned.
And we talked.
This young man, has had a hard life, made some poor choices along the way, and yet he is working his way to turning his life around. He has aspirations of returning to school and eventually becoming a substance abuse counselor: "I do have seventeen years of relevant experience."
Readers, I don't know this man's name. The chances of me ever seeing him again are as close to zero as you could possibly be. But that doesn't stop me from hoping that he achieves everything he is working for.
Readers. Sometimes it's okay to talk to strangers.
No comments:
Post a Comment